You are curious about being kinky but do not know where to start. You finally attend a Kink 101 workshop where they start throwing out words like Safe, Sane Consensual (SSC) or Risk Awareness Consensual Kink (RACK). Your mind goes into a head spin because they are talking about communication, negotiations, boundaries, consent and more. That you feel what does all of this have to do with kink?
Everything! We are raised to not speak our minds. We are told to hug Aunt Irma, against our will, because it is rude not to. “But, she stinks and pinches my cheek, I hate that.” Sounds familiar? Many of us, never learned the importance of respecting our boundaries, speaking our minds, and able to negotiate. Instead of hugging Aunt Irma, I will give her a high-five.
These are the few examples I use when explaining the Three (3) C’s of Relationships. They can be used in any type of relationship, business, family and romantic. Should be taught to young children, to use in all the relationships.
Communication – You need to be able to express yourself, desires, dreams, goals, boundaries, and needs. How do you expect someone new to know everything about you? You need to communicate all of the above.
Compromise – The dictionary states that it is a “settlement of differences by arbitration or by consent reached by mutual concessions” My interpretation is that you are willing to negotiate terms of the contract, date, and/or activity.
Consent – Once you have communicated and compromised the details of the negotiated terms. Now you seal the deal with Consent. ALWAYS! ALWAYS! Have both parties agree to consent. Not just one person, “well ok, it’s not what I wanted”. Do not to be afraid to say no. No is a complete sentence. Everyone needs to be on the same page. That is what makes everything fun, exciting, rewarding and exhilarating.
It seems so simple, but yet we all have a problem using them in all of our relationships. Once you have mastered these, you will see a boost of confidence in yourself. Know that people will respect you for holding your ground at the same, that you know what you want and are not afraid to ask for it.
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